Selling Tricks

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing. "Hey, this tastes like dirt!" Then I would say, "It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?"

Black And Brown

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"

Good Manners

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

Little Johnny Jokes

Bathroom

Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?"

The teacher replies, "Yes, but only after you recite the alphabet, Johnny."

Little Johnny says, "Fine!" Then he quickly babbles out: "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ!! !"

The teacher asks him, "Where is the P, Johnny?"

Johnny screams, "IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY LEG!!! PLEASE LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!"

Playing In Sandbox

Little Johnny and Jane are playing in a sandbox. Little Johnny has to go to take a pee but he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say Jane to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to Jane and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose." And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back Jane looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes" said Little Johnny stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says Jane, "You'd better close your compact because your lipstick is hanging out!"

True Love

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he sighed.

'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job I've ever had.'

'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just lust.'

The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.

'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!'

'That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation.'

'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?' asked Little Johnny, confused.

'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love, she would let you f*ck her up the ass first, then give you the best blow job of your life!'

Airline Humor

PILOT HUMOR...We Hope!

The Three Worst Things to Hear in a Cockpit:
1. OH Sh#t!
2. I have an Idea!
3. Hey, Watch this!

Ten Ways To Tell If Your Pilot is on Drugs:
1. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares.
2. In between "May I" and "have your attention" there's a 45-minute pause.
3. He's constantly yelling, "Take that, Red Baron!"
4. Shuttle from Newyork to Boston includes stopover in Colombia.
5. His copilot: Robert Downey Jr.
6. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy.
7. Keeps coming on the P.A. to point out clouds that look like his old highschool teachers.
8. His wings are pinned to his bare chest.
9. When you fly over International Date Line, he yells, "Dude! We're, like, time traveling!"
10. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop.

Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers:
No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Flight Crew Code Words:
Blue ice = frozen toilet water
Choppy Air = severe turbulence
Hockey Puck = tasteless deli sandwich
Jetbag = very senior flight attendant
New Arrival Time = late!
NFR = 'Nother 'Friggin Runner (passenger arriving late)
Refrigerator = carry-on piece too large for overhead bin
Restricted Visibility = a white out or bad fog
Self-loading cargo = passengers
Showers = severe thunderstorm
Slam Dunk = very hard landing
Slider = tasteless breakfest omelet

Things not to do in library

A library is a savored and hallowed institution within which certain unwritten laws and etiquette are expected to be observed by all those who enter.

Ten of the certain coolest habits or manners that are somewhat frowned upon in the library environment are listed in the following:

1. The beloved mobile phone:
The use of making and receiving phones calls. Loud, annoying ring tones as you (deliberately) fumble to answer the phone. Speaking in a loud voice whilst wandering around for the best reception, even standing on a chair.

2. Food.
The use of any food that involves noisy packaging, notably the crisp packet. If you experience difficulty opening the packet you can always ask others to assist, even the librarian.

3. The Chair.
Attention to rocking back and forth on your chair as you read. Those with the emphasis of banging the legs down loudly.

Going across the room to obtain a free chair and dragging it back along the floor to where you want to sit.

4. Queuing
Deliberately taking a list of twenty to thirty books to the desk for the librarian to help searching for, possibly causing a queue, then saying that you have changed your mind.

5. Where to sit
If the library is pretty empty, sitting next to the few occupied chairs. You may even feel the need to keep moving around next to other people.

6. The cough.
The never ending cough that breaks the eerie silence. Particularly annoying when sat next to someone concentrating, or when you repeatedly bang you hand on the table whilst trying to catch your breath.

7. Reading.
Reading a book out loud. Those people who read out loud whilst writing down information and allowing every other member to know.

8. Finding the right books.
Unsure which book you need. Then take several. Make a large pile of books on your table and build them like a mini-fort to hide behind. Perfect for those noisy crisps. Worse still if you then walk off and leave the huge pile on the table.

9. Reference.
Cannot be bothered to photocopy or write down certain material. Then take the page with you. removing the required page and inform that you need this or will finish reading the page later, before bringing it back.

10. For the very brave.
Standing behind someone who is quietly reading and asking in a very loud, polite voice if you can borrow the sex manual after they have finished. Be careful who you pick though. Fighting is strictly prohibited.

Heights of..........(improve version)

THESE ARE THE SOME OF THE COOLEST AND FUNNY HEIGHTS OF...........
Height of Fashion : "Dhoti" with Zip
Height of Secrecy : Offering blank visiting cards.

Height of Active Laziness : Asking for a lift to house while on a Morning walk.
Height of Craziness : Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

Height of Forgetfulness : Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect wjen you saw him/her last.
Height of Stupidity : A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

Height of Honesty : A pregnant women taking one and a half ticket.

Height of Suicide : A dwarf jamping from the footpath the road.
Height of Dehydration : A cow giving milk powder.

Please tell me how's this???If you like it please digg it. If you have similar kind of other then let me know I'll add it.

Little Ralphy and the teacher

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,'

but I like your thinking.'

Healthy Love Vs Toxic love

Check out these coolest differences between them

Healthy Love	Unhealthy or Toxic Love
Development of self first.	Obsession with relationship.
Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.	Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)
Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.	Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.	Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.
Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)	Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."
Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.	Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
Embracing of each other's individuality.	Trying to change other to own image.
Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.	Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.	Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)	Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)
Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.	Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.
Ability to enjoy being alone.	Unable to endure separation; clinging.
Cycle of comfort and contentment.	Cycle of pain and despair.

Good Girls Vs Bad Girls

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

My Worst Date Ever

I think most of us have had at least one of these in our lives. We’ve been set up on a blind date from hell or perhaps our first date with what is now a long term relationship started off badly. This is my story.

Yes, I am a bit desperate for companionship and attention so I make the mistake of letting my best friend set me up with a friend of her then boyfriend. Blind dates can be the richest fodder for some of the world’s worst experiences. Mine was no exception. We were to all four meet at her home and then go out to dinner. Sounded simple. What could go wrong?

Well, I started with my own faux pas of being angry at an ex-boyfriend for dumping me so I arrived to our meeting dressed to the nines. Slinky red dress, make-up to kill and my best little strappy shoes. I’ll show the ex. Yeah, right. Blind date’s eyes nearly pop out of his sockets. It’s obvious from the get-go that he was thinking, ‘I’m going to get lucky tonight.’ Realizing my error too late I figured that we can talk and get to know each other so I can get him straightened out. But that would be too easy.

George(not his real name as I think I’ve suppressed the memory of his true moniker) takes me by the hand after we’ve barely exchanged names and leads me to a back bedroom. I’m thinking this boy better want to talk. No such luck, of course, as he tries to wrap his arms around me and goes straight for the smooching.

By all rights I should just leave now and call it a loss, but I’ve only just arrived and since none of us has a car I’m going to be stuck riding the bus home one way or another. Might as well stick things out a bit longer and see if it gets any better since he’s obviously gotten the wrong impression here. I explain to this would-be Romeo that we should get to know each other better before commencing any hanky panky. He reluctantly agrees and we talk for a bit and exchange a few shallow personal details.
He keeps holding my hand and tries to draw me closer. I really should have just left, but to top things off I really didn’t have a lot of dating experience outside of my previous marital status and had not had to fend off a man’s advances before. Add to all this that I have four kids waiting at home for me and what sort of hoops I had to jump through to get a sitter and I was determined to ride things out.

My friend and her fellow have been in the other room enjoying each other’s company but she finally becomes concerned about me and comes to my rescue. It’s time to head off to a local eatery. This is the only good part of the whole debacle. The place is cozy and cute and the food is really good. Plus, I’m getting fed for free. This is a big deal for a single mom. My budget is tighter than a fashion model’s girdle. Unfortunately, this guy has the rather quaint male notion that this means I’m obligated to him now. And all through the meal he’s massaging my thigh under the table and trying to get his arm around me as we eat. Ugh!

After finishing our meal we head back to my friend’s place. He tries to take me to the back bedroom again but I’ve had enough. There is some further senseless chit chat in the main room and then back outside the front door before I insist that it’s getting late and I need to get home to my children. He escorts me on the bus. He keeps trying to put his arm around me and is obviously hoping for more. We arrive at my stop where I need to transfer to another bus to finally get home. Thankfully, he needs to continue on the current route so I can make good my escape. I’m at least smart enough to not let him know exactly where I live nor give him my phone number.
I go home, take care of the sitter and take a shower before going to bed. There is not enough hot water in the universe to get rid of the creeps I’m now feeling. Ick! I will never wear that dress again.

This is not the end of the story. Oh, no. Not with this persistent, deluded twit.
The next evening my would-be lover is apparently lamenting his experience and downs a few six packs. At approximately 1:30AM he calls my friend to ask why I wouldn’t put out. Needless to say she is disconcerted and concerned by his behavior. She gives me a call later that afternoon to let me know what he’s done and said.

I am furious. I rarely get this kind of angry, but I recognize what could turn into a very dangerous situation for my friend and for myself. Time to let this guy know he needs to back off for good. I get a number where he can be reached and let him have it. I am clear, stern and severely ticked and I let him know it. I also inform him that I will not only never go out with him again but that he is to leave my friend alone. He is never, never to try to reach me again.

‘Never?’

He sounds like a hurt puppy that just had its nose swatted for no reason. Are you kidding me? This guy has the nerve to act like the injured party?

Should I Pose the Question as a "True or False?"

For a time, I worked at a Wendy’s. Not the most distinguished place of employment, but it brought in paychecks…more than my fall-back plan of becoming a hobo could boast. As a new employee, I was lucky enough to be given a choice: work the fries, or work the front register. I decided to go with the job that posed me less of a threat in the form of third degree burns. In retrospect, fries might have been less painful.
One thing you may quickly notice if you listen closely to those around you in a fast food restaurant is that Wendy’s does not cater to the upper rung of society. I suppose the NASCAR poster in the front window should have been a hint. But if you’re just EATING at Wendy’s, such things don’t bother you much. But if you’re getting PAID to talk to these people, it can quickly become a real problem.

On my first day of work, a customer approached my register. By the looks of him, I assumed he was a regular to this quality of dining. I was quickly proven wrong, however.

ME: Welcome to Wendy’s! Is this for the dining room? CUSTOMER: Just a second, I’m still lookin’.
I give the customer a minute to study the menu, being too polite to point out that the question was nothing but a fancier way to say “for here or to go.”

CUSTOMER: I want—
ME: I’m sorry, sir. Is this for the dining room?
CUSTOMER: Huh?
ME: Are you eating in the dining room?
CUSTOMER: Yeah. I want a number four and a—
ME: Small, medium, or large?
CUSTOMER: Huh?
ME: Your combo. Would you like it small, medium, or large?
CUSTOMER: Would I like what?

Apparently, this guy had never in his life eaten in a fast food restaurant.

ME: You can order your combo in different sizes.
CUSTOMER: What’s the difference?
ME: It changes the size of your fries and your drink.
CUSTOMER: I get a drink?

Now I’m starting to get frustrated. Had he just picked a number at random and hoped it was something he liked?

ME: Yes, sir. So would you like your combo small, medium, or large?

At this point, the guy stops to think. For a full 20 seconds. What he finally answered, unfortunately, wasn’t worth the wait.

CUSTOMER: Uh…regular.

Great job, idiot. How much easier could this be than multiple choice? Small, medium, or large! Regular wasn’t a choice! You must have done great in school. Having a one in three chance of getting the question right goes out the window when you don’t pick ANY of the choices. I’ll try again. He’s got to realize what he’s doing.

ME: I’m sorry, Sir…did you say small, medium, or large?
CUSTOMER: I said regular.

At this point, I had to make a decision. There was a line piling up behind the half-wit. My instinct told me he wanted a medium…but my instinct also told me that my pet hamster would have been able to understand the question. Should I instead give him the small? That was the price listed on the menu…if I charged him more, he might get upset, I’d have to get the manager…grr…I had to try to clarify one more time.

ME: So medium?
CUSTOMER: Regular! Is there something wrong with your ears?

Fine! Regular! I punched the button for small. If he didn’t like it, tough.

The sad part of this story is that over the next two months, I saw that man every couple of days. He never mastered the answer to “small, medium, or large.” Before I quit (a blessed day!) I filled out a comment card, in the spirit of my favorite customer, suggesting that we add “regular” to the menu.

Because, you know, the customer is always right.

how the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games got their logo

This is really funny stuff check it out now...

EDIT: The GIF animation doesn’t seem to work in my copy of Internet Explorer 7.

A Guy Being Interview

A guy being interviewed at the US Embassy.

Consul: "Your name please?"

guy: "ziko."

Consul: "Sex?"

guy: "Six time a week."

Consul: "I mean, male or female?"

guy: "Both male and female sometime even camels."

Consul: "Holy cow!"

guy: "Yes, cows & dogs too."

Consul: "Man, isn't that hostile?"

guy: "Horse style, dog style, any style!"

Consul: "Oh dear!"

guy: "Deer? No deer, they run too fast..!!"

High Gas Prices Equals No More Starbucks for Me

It was no surprise to me when I read this morning that Starbucks is going to close more than 600 stores in the United States. I know that I have been less frivolous with my money. There are a number of things I’ve given up slowly as gas prices have increased. I no longer go for a ride when I feel stressed out, I eat out less and I no longer get my daily grande mocha latte from my local Starbucks.

Yes, they made plenty of money off of me in the past years. At more than $3 for a coffee that costs about a quarter to make, I figure Starbucks has made more than $600 on just me alone this year. Times this by the number of people in line every morning, and my local Starbucks has done well over the years.

Now, when we all have to take stock in what we are spending our money on, what does the company do? When we have to fill our gas tanks using grocery store incentives and change found under the couch cushions, does Starbucks understand? No, they leave, deserting us when we are down. Closing the door and keeping the coffee all locked up. The loyal followers are not being rewarded for our consuming of costly cups of coffee, but instead being scalded.

I don’t blame Starbucks for my woes. I can’t travel as much as I used to because of the higher costs of travel that have risen due to gas prices. I don’t have as much petty cash left at the end of the month because it costs almost $80 to fill my gas tank. Maybe being home more and enjoying the little things in life is what high gas prices are really trying to

The Italian Lover

The Italian Lover A virile, young Italian was relaxing at

his favorite bar in Rome,when

he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the

point where he invited her back to his

apartment,and after some small talk,they retired to his bedroom where he

rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude,he asked with a smile,

"So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised,the young man reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The

rattling ends,and again,the young man smiles,and again he asks,"You

finish?" And again,after a short pause,she returns his smile,cuddles

closer to him,and softly says,"No." Stunned,but damned if this woman is

going to outlast him,the young man

reaches for

the woman yet again using the last of his strength,he barely

manages it,but they end together,screaming, bucking,clawing,and ripping

the bed sheets.The exhausted man falls onto his back,gasping. Barely able

to turn his head,he looks into her eyes,smiles proudly,and

asks again,"You finish?" She whispers in his ear, "No,I Norwegian."

Letter from Husband to his Wife

This is the coolest or hottest letter ever written by husband to wife and wife to her husband.check it out ....

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart

Your husband

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses,

I am sending the expense details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some

other items....... ....

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I

hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!! Your Sweet Heart

Hottest Jokes

checkout the hottest jokes and laugh a lot......

Three tragedies in a man's Life

The 3 tragedies in a man's life:
1- life sucks
2- job sucks
3- Wife does NOT!

Romance Mathematics

Smart man +smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man +dumb woman = pregnancy

Men are better Friends

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next

morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her

girlfriend's apartment overnight.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends, and none of

them confirm that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells

his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's

apartment overnight.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends : 5 of them

confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night,

and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them !

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a lion, a chimpanzee, a giraffe, and a squirrel, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you think will win?

So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

-

-

-

-

If you picked:

Lion - you're dull.

Chimpanzee - you're a moron.

Giraffe - you're a complete idiot.

Squirrel - you're just hopelessly stupid.

A Coconut tree Doesn't have Bananas!!!!!

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
so have fun time while reading other post.